


I'm in Underhell!

by SalemLucidEster



Category: Underfell - Fandom, Undertale
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fanfiction, M/M, Romance, Underfell, trigger - Freeform, undertale - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-05-25 18:12:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6205474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalemLucidEster/pseuds/SalemLucidEster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome Salem into the world of Underfell. An alternate universe of Undertale where everyone is tsundere evil... And what are evil monsters if they aren't trying to kill you? Now, Salem should be scared for her life... But she's not. She might as well have lost all sense of self preservation and fear of pain. So that being said, it's no wonder Salem dies. A lot. And resets. A LOT. But hey! All the better to fuck with people! Am I right?! After all, what's the fun in having magical time powers if you can't use them? Her sass is about to shake the underground to its core and make the monsters wonder: How can someone be so forgiving and still be this bitchy?!</p><p>(A/N) I do NOT own Undertale. Undertale is owned by Toby Fox. Nor do I own the concept of Underfell.</p><p>Rated 'C' for crack fiction and Rated 'M' for language, gore, and lime/lemon... So... Have fun reading~?</p><p>Trigger Warnings: suicide, depression, smexy times, cursing, and more depression...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I fell down a hole...

Some people would ask why a twenty-something year old female would be awake at three... Okay _four_ in the morning. Some would doubly question why she didn't spend this time partying or drinking. She wasn't even hanging out with the boyfriend she didn't have. Instead, she was simply lying on her bed messing around on her computer. Was she doing anything important? Not at all! In fact she was just going back and forth between reading fanfiction, watching anime, and browsing tumblr. Ah, the life of an American otaku hikikomori. A twenty-something year old female otaku hikikomori. Okay, technically, this girl had a life. She was just in a rut at the moment. She was trying to support herself, but was still living with her parents. This didn't exactly boot the girl's already nonexistent self esteem. Nor did the fact that her parents were getting pretty pissy about her not moving out. She was fucking trying, _okay_?! Though the clinical depression, anxiety, dissociation, and various other mental ailments weren't helping any either.

This girl's current obsession? Undertale. Yep, she was in underhell and regret _nothing_. At this exact moment, the girl was reading various fanfic. More precisely, fanfic about the different AU's people made up for the game. Nope, never mind, she was ATTEMPTING to read said fanfics... As it turns out her wifi was once again being a little bitch and turned itself off. If only to piss off the girl more, her whole computer screen turned black. Despite her blank and emotionless face, she was internally screaming. The girl didn't care she was now completely in the dark. No, her computer just fucking _broke_! How would she tell her parents?! SHIT! As this realization slowly set in, the girl clenched her fists tightly.

"Are you fucking _kidding_ me?!"

Slapping a hand over her mouth, the girl mentally scolded herself for yelling. Her parent's room was right across from hers, and it being 4am meant they were asleep. Rule one: Don't wake up the parents! Freezing in place with her hand still covering her mouth, the girl listened for something, anything. But there was only silence. At the very least, she should hear her dogs. If her parents didn't wake up, then the dogs did. But there was no tinkling of their collar tags. Which was not a good sign. Straining herself even more, she couldn't hear anything. No snoring father, no late night bugs, no cars from the highway at the bottom of the hill. She couldn't even hear the buzz of electricity. And despite being in complete darkness, the girl could still make out her room perfectly.

Having just gone through a Creepypasta fit, the girl knew better than to calm down. This had the makings of a horror story written _all_ over it. Oh-my-god this girl was going to die. She didn't even question if this was a dream. She couldn't chance thinking like that. That's how you got killed... Well, faster than you normally would... So still hearing nothing, the girl sat up and reached out to the post of her bed. Grabbing a baggy red and black pullover hoodie and throwing it on, the girl then went to her closet. For reasons we won't mention (it's totally because she is paranoid and liked to cosplay) she had a rusty pipe in there. The only problem was, the closet was anything but quiet. Cursing under her breath, the girl made a mental checklist of her inventory. Light grey panties, check. Grey tank top, check. Hoodie big enough to count as a dress, check. Scowling, the girl turned to the dresser and pulled out a pair of black leggings and socks. If she was gonna do this, it would be fully clothed dammit! This wasn't an anime, and she couldn't just walk around in nothing but underwear and a hoodie. No, she was about to face a hell beast demon spawn and die like the nerdy white girl she was.

After putting those on, the girl pulled on her steel toed boots and grabbed like five hair ties. She was ready to die now. Rolling her shoulders, the girl shut her eyes tight and opened the door of her room. Unfortunately, she stepped out before actually looking around. Which is _always_ a mistake, let's be honest here. However, instead of finding herself face to face with a monster or some psycho serial killer, the girl started falling. Now, normally this girl wasn't much of a screamer. But not expecting to be falling down a pitch black pit into the abyss, she allowed herself a shriek. This quickly stopped however, seeing as it only made the girl feel like she would lose her stomach. Screaming never helped anything anyway. Who exactly was going to save her? A chimney sweep? Or maybe that one chick who worked at Target? What the girl did do though, was wonder why she hadn't splattered on the ground yet. Well the answer for that was simple. She was still falling.

"How fucking deep is this bitch?!"

Immediately after vocalizing this, the girl found herself no longer falling, but just kind of floating. Suspended in the air by an invisible force and lack of gravity. Blinking, the girl soon started hearing the noise of a movie reel starting up and a projection screen appeared in front of her. Then, as if it were a bad joke, the horribly familiar music started to play. The video flashed to life and it was all the girl could do to not make various noises of disbelief or exasperation. Closing her eyes tight, the girl pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a deep breath. Words typed across the screen in the familiar dialogue of "Long ago, two races ruled over Earth: Humans and Monsters".

"This is gonna be one of _those_... Oh my fucking god... I can't even..."

Letting out a groan, the girl took another deep breath to calm herself. She had always wanted to be in a situation like this, so she might as well take it in stride. But she just knew that somewhere a girl, probably very similar to her, was writing a fanfiction. And she was now the protagonist. What hell was she basically putting herself through? And why was she laughing about all this?

"Hahaha... Jesus Christ... You know what? Nope... Ima enjoy this shit. She wanted this, I wanted this. Let's fucking DOO EET!"

However, after saying this, the screen in front of the girl glitched then tinted to a shade of red. The designs changed slightly, looking more demonic and the music turned rather edgy. The film however didn't continue playing and instead, in big flashy red letters, spelled out the word "Underfell". A very popular AU in the Undertale fan base. Dead panning, the girl looked at the screen but said nothing. Closing her eyes he girl tried to keep from cursing.

"Ya know what? _Fine_! Whatever. This is fine... Okay... I'm totally okay with this... Bring it!"

It would seem the author didn't bother with explaining the controls seeing as the girl would be living this. Then the name screen popped up and stared into the girl's soul. The girl stared back at the blank space for a moment before putting in the name 'Salem'. Nodding to herself, the girl pressed 'Done'. And then Salem was once again falling.

"BITCH!"

With a surprisingly soft thud, Salem landed on a patch of golden flowers. She didn't seem to be hurt, but still carefully checked that nothing was broken or bleeding. After confirming she was fine, Salem noticed she was wearing the same outfit she left her room in. Which was nice, it was comfortable and easy to move in. Salem also noticed something else that made her positive that the author hated her. Or was at least getting back at her for her earlier sass. You see, Salem was no longer a twenty-something year old female. No, she was a female child who's age Salem could not determine. She never did look her age, seeing as at twenty-something, people still mistook her for a sixteen year old. But this was just ridiculous. Salem looked anywhere between the age of eight and twelve. Going with the eldest she could seemingly get away with, Salem grumbled to herself but said nothing. The author again reared their mighty authority over time and space and added a simple black skirt to Salem's outfit.

"HA! Jokes on you! I _like_ skirts!"

*Which is why I added it. You didn't have time to add it back in your room...

"OHMAIGAWD! Holy shit... The author can talk to me! But... What about Chara then? Or Frisk?"

*Spoilers...

"Fuck you..."

Hearing a rather ethereal giggle echo in her head, Salem flicked off no one in particular and shoved her hands in her hoodie pocket. To her surprise, something very similar brushed against her hand. Raising a brow, Salem pulled out the object and looked on in disbelief at the phone in her hand. And as per-usual in these crappy fanfics, the battery was not only full, but seemingly infinite. And fully accessible 4G?! Someone was really bending the laws of reality here. Not even bothering to check if she could call anyone, Salem put her phone back in her pocket. What exactly would she say? 'Help! I feel down a hole and am now in an underworld of peaceful monsters?' Or perhaps 'Hey, I'm kinda in a video game, care to get me out mom?' Yeah, no... With nothing better to do, Salem walked around the dark room. It was much dirtier in person, with all the actual dirt and shit. But the view up was amazing. Opening her mouth in awe, Salem spun in place before getting serious.

"So... I fell down the rabbit hole... What will poor 'Alice' have to face in this peculiar wonderland? The world may never know~! Okay but seriously... I just fell down a hole... Where's my damn steam achievement?!"

Out of pure spite, a bubble popped up in front of Salem. It looked very digital and just floated there against all the laws of physics. It had a picture of a man hole in the corner and read as follows:

"Achievement Unlocked! You fell down a hole. Congratulations on reaching rock bottom!"

Salem stared at the sign for a moment with a blank face. Then pursing her lips and sucking in a sharp breath, she just spun on her heel and started walking away. The puns have already begun. You could say we've already gotten in too deep...


	2. Ignorance is Bliss

Entering the next room, Salem tried to remember what she read about Underfell. There was nothing really canon aside from the outfits and characters being evil. Which meant that everything was pretty much up in the air. So she was screwed... Though, she did wonder if the few fanons were going to be a thing. Entering the next room, a golden flower was wilting in the middle under a single beam of light. Where did the light come from? Don't ask inconvenient questions! Tilting her head to the side, Salem crouched down next to the flower and stared at it for a moment. She decided to play along and act like she knew nothing... Reaching towards the flower slowly, Salem only snatched her hand back when it twitched.

"O-oh no... You're a human aren't you?"

"HOLY SHIT! _Demon_!"

"No! Please, be quiet! She might hear us!"

"Who _cares_? I'm talking to a flower! And it's talking back! Am I _high_?!"

"P-please calm down and be quiet! I'm real, okay? Look, you're not safe here. You need to leave!"

"That's EXACTLY what a figment of my imagination would say! And go where exactly? I fell down a hole!"

"… I... I don't... Anyway, I'm Flowey. Flowey the flower. You have to get-"

"Hallo thar Flowey! I'm Salem! Salem the Salem... Er... Human...?"

"This is serious! Toriel will kill you if she finds you!"

"GASP!"

"Did... Did you just say the word 'gasp' instead of actually gasping?"

"Yup~ Now Flowey... This Toriel person... Does she happen to be a giant goat lady with a black robe dress thingy?"

"Y-yeah... Why?"

"Cause she's _right_ behind you..."

Flowey lets out a terrified shriek and actually jumped out of the dirt. Latching himself around Salem's neck, Flowey turned to look at the now present Toriel. So this was the great and powerful goat mom. Okay, technically she was evil goat mom... But goat mom is best mom! Plastering on a smile, Salem stood up and offered her hand to shake.

"Hello Miss. You must be Toriel. It's a pleasure to meet you."

For a moment Toriel was actually shocked. She quickly recovered by putting on her own smile. It was forced but pleasant enough. Toriel then reached out and grabbed Salem's hand, if not a little too tightly.

"Ah yes. I am Toriel, the keeper of the ruins. Now young child, how did you get to find yourself in such a horrid place?"

"Well, I was in my room... Doin' stuff... Then things went all horror movie on me. Of course I freak out and the next thing I know, I was falling down a hole and _boom_! Here I am!"

Both Flowey and Toriel stared at Salem for a moment. They probably think she's crazy. Well, jokes on them, she is! HA! Toriel's smile strained but she kept talking like everything was normal.

"That's horrible. Come child, you must be so confused. I'll take care of you. Follow me, I'll take you to my house."

"Mmmm.... Okay~"

Toriel's smile widened and she turned around. Dragging you behind her, goat mom led you through the ruins. While doing so, Flowey decided to voice his concerns.

"Wait... _Seriously_? Y-you're going to follow her? Just like that?!"

"Stranger danger only applies to those who don't realize they are getting into deep shit Flowey... So calm your pollinated ass and enjoy my stupidity, kay?"

Flowey instantly shut up the moment Salem's voice darkened a bit. It made him wonder if this child was evil or not. He already guessed she was crazy. Was he safe with her? Would she hurt him like everyone else? While thinking this, Flowey didn't notice Salem's free hand reach up towards him. She smirked as Flowey jumped at her touch. After letting Flowey look at her with wide terrified eyes, Salem giggled and pets the flower's head. This seemed to confuse the creature but Salem said nothing. After walking through a shit ton of puzzles, that frankly Salem already memorized from the game, the small group arrived to the front of Tori's house.

"Hey mom, uh, can I call you mom? Why are you helping me?"

At this, Toriel froze and stiffened in place. Slowly turning her head to look at Salem, her eyes almost seemed to glow red.

"NEVER call me your mother! You weak human filth! And I never said I was going to _help_ you. I said I would take care of you. So I'll do just that! Heh! Now I have all the ingredients I need for my pie!"

Salem raised a brow, feeling no fear. Flowey on the other hand was shaking like a leaf. Oh god another pun... Before she could react, Salem was hit by a ball of fire. She managed to untangle Flowey from her neck and toss him aside before being engulfed in magical flames. The scorching pain was unbearable and everything turned white then black. Opening her eyes, Salem found herself once again at the bottom of the hole. Sitting up and scratching her head, the girl scowled.

"The fuck woman? I was being polite! Well, let's fucking try this again!"

Climbing to her feet, Salem quickly entered the next room and smiled down at Flowey. They were once again looking at her in fear. Before he could say anything, Salem spoke up.

"Dude chill... I only _died_... Ya didn't get hit did you? Did I not get you off fast enough?"

"Wh-what? How are you so calm? Why do you care if I got hurt? In this world it's kill or-"

"Be killed... Yeah yeah yeah... I'm calm because I'm most probably an idiot. Though that did hurt quite a bit... And of course I care! We're friends! The only one allowed to die around here is me. Huh, that sounded better in my head... Eh... So common. I'll help you get out of here."

"H-how do you... Have you done this before? I don't remember you..."

"Personally? No. This is my first... Okay, technically second time here. So there's really nothing for you to remember."

"Then how did you know what I was going to say?"

"I'm an otaku with no social life from another dimension. One where this is actually a computer game... Er, well... This particular dimension is an Alternate AU of said game. But it's the same basic principle. Only everyone here is an ass hole with emotional issues and are mentally unstable. I can actually handle this a lot better than the original... What does that say about me? God, I'm a freak-"

"As if I'd believe that..."

"You're right _Asriel_. That's totally impossible. I mean, sure, there are monsters trapped underground because of a magical barrier created by humans. Determination is actually used to control time, and human souls are the only way to destroy said barrier. Not to mention the son of the royal family was killed and then turned into a flower by accident by the royal scientist... But all _that_ makes sense. There's no way a girl from another dimension could have possibly come here knowing exactly what the fuck is up. Right? I mean, that's just _silly_!"

"O-okay! Geez, I got it... You made your point... You don't have to be mean about it..."

"Huh? Oh... Sorry. Yeah um... I talk a lot of shit, but I wouldn't hurt anyone... Probably... Well, I won't hurt _you_. So I guess I'm mostly harmless, or is it seemingly harmless? Eh, make sense?"

"Not at all! But if you promise to not hurt me, I'll go with you. I'll help if I can."

"And I'll try to keep you from getting hurt while I fuck this up. Don't be upset when I die. I'll always come back. I have a feeling I don't get a choice in the matter..."

Flowey nodded but still seemed confused. Despite this, he still uproots himself and looked up at Salem. Holding out her hand, Salem let Flowey crawl his way up her arm and wind around her neck. With a smile, Salem stood up and looked at the doorway just as Toriel entered.


	3. 2P Goat Mom

Again, Salem was lead through the ruins. She played innocent and allowed Toriel to take her home. But it soon became apparent that Toriel had quite a hard time controlling her anger. In one way or another, Salem would say something that set Toriel off and caused her to get killed with magical fire. So Salem was forced to go through the ruins again. And again. And _again_. Most of the time, she died due to pissing off Tori. Though there was one time here Salem was an idiot and fell onto a few spikes on that bridge puzzle. Getting tired of repeatedly walking through the ruins, Salem just kept silent for the whole trip. Doing so seemed to keep Tori from getting mad, meaning Salem finally managed to SAVE and enter the damned house. Goat mom, still keeping up the charade, took Salem to a rather adorable child's bedroom and advised her to rest. With a practiced smile Salem nodded in thanks to goat mom and walked into the room. Tori practically slammed the door closed behind Salem once she was all the way inside. Jumping a bit in surprise, Salem looked down at Flowey and gave a nervous smile.

"What do ya say to a little nap Flowey?"

"Are you serious?! Why would we let our guard down when- Oh my god you're serious... Yeah, fine... Knock yourself out Salem..."

"Okie-dokie~"

Putting Flowey into a convenient flowerpot off to the side, Salem quickly took a flying leap and flopped onto the bed with a happy sigh. While this wasn't her 'cave', a bed was always one of the best places in the world. At least, they were in Salem's mind. Not even bothering to cover up, she would get too hot that way, Salem stretched and quickly passed out. And she would have stayed passed too, if it weren't for those meddling kids- Um... If Flowey didn't get up in her face and wake her up three hours later. Cracking her eyes open, Salem tried to _not_ punch Flowey in his flower face. With an almost animalistic growl, Salem sat up and glared at Flowey as if he were the devil himself. He was talking about something, but honestly Salem didn't hear a word. Rubbing her eyes, Salem let out a groan and flopped onto her stomach. This seemed to anger the yellow flower, but again, Salem paid him no mind. With limited effort, Salem reached over the edge of the bed and looked through all the stuffed animals piled up.

"What are you even doing?! We have to leave! Are you even listening to me?"

"Nope~ So shush a sec..."

Salem continued to dig around the pile of stuffed animals until she found one she liked. It was a deep red teddy bear with bat wings. It also had fangs, claws, and a little cross bandage sewn on its face. It was really adorable and probably Salem's favorite of the bunch. With a triumphant laugh the girl pulled the toy to her chest and hugged it happily. Flowey was peeved but otherwise kept silent. She wouldn't listen to him anyway, so he didn't waste his breath. Getting off the bed, Salem walked over to Flowey and offered her hand.

"Sorry for ignoring you... I just really hate people waking me up... So let's get going, like ya said. As much as I love 2P Goat Mom, I'm getting tired of the ruins. So let's head to the exit. I'm sure she'll show up before we get too far."

Flowey glared angrily at Salem as she held her hand out to him. But once she said she was ready to leave, he visibly deflated and crawled up to her neck. He wasn't even going to question was "2P Goat Mom" meant. He already knew this girl was weird and didn't especially want her going on a rant. Once he was situated, Salem hugged the stuffed animal to her chest and left the room. Without even looking around, Salem just hopped down the staircase and headed down the dark hallway. It was rather gloomy and creepy, but Salem didn't seem to notice or care. Still, after turning a corner and approaching a large door, not even Salem could keep herself from jumping when a voice boomed behind them.

"And where do you think you're going child?"

"Me? Oh, I'm just leaving. Ya know, running away... Why?"

"Do not mock me human! You will be going nowhere! You think you can-"

"Mom... I'm not mocking you. I'm just trying to not be a pie."

"You insolent child! I took you into my own home! I was going to raise you and care for you! And this is how you thank me?! I should have killed you when I first saw you."

Salem managed to keep her comment of 'holy shit' under her breath and dodged to the side as a fire ball whizzed past her. Carefully tossing Flowey out of the way, Salem looked at goat mom and smiled reassuringly. Trying her best to dodge the attacks, Salem made a point to never even look like she was going to fight back. At first, this angered Toriel, but eventually it seemed to put her off and the monster's attacks weakened. With a sad rawr, goat mom fell to her knees and let Salem win the fight. Walking over to the motherly figure, Salem hugged the woman and rubbed her back.

"I couldn't even save a single child..."

"Shh, it's okay mom. I know you were only trying to protect me. But we both know I can't stay here. Please don't cry."

"You may leave the ruins child. But never come back. I-"

"Don't say that... If you don't want me to visit, then I won't... But you can always call me if you need to okay?"

"Child..."

Without giving goat mom a choice, Salem told Toriel her phone number and made sure she actually added it to her phone.

"You don't have to call me. But please don't delete that number. Let it remind you that someone cares about you... I love you mom. Please, try to be happy..."

After a final hug, Salem picked up Flowey and exited the ruins. She used a SAVE and stepped out into the underground. Once the door closed behind her, Salem promptly sat in the snow and looked at her planty friend.

"Oh my god I thought that would never end..."

Flowey tilted his head and gave Salem a questioning glance. She was so nice just a second ago. Was that all an act? Salem gave a groan and hugged her knees to her chest. Hiding her face from view, Salem took a shaky breath.

"I hate leaving people... I really, REALLY hate leaving people that need help... UGH! Okay, meh FEELS can die now. I can't help people anyway... I'm not exactly in a better mental state... Heheh... Welp~"

Patting her face, Salem quickly stands up but ends up losing her balance. Her vision went a little spotty there, but she paid it no mind. It happened a lot and she hadn't exactly eaten in a few... days... Well damn... Shaking this incredibly vital fact out of her mind, Salem marched forward. As she walked further, she noticed how cold it was. Then again, she was surrounded by snow, so really what was to be expected? Flowey seemed worse off than her, seeing as he was shaking like a leaf. Looking over at the poor flower wrapped around her neck, Salem frowned.

"Hey... Ya know. It would be warmer under my hoodie. Body heat and all that... You can hide under there if you want Flowey..."

"R-really? You don't mind?"

"Not especially. Just don't get any funny ideas buster~ But go right ahead. Flowers aren't made for this kind of weather."

Flowey smiled gratefully and burrowed himself under Salem's warm hoodie. Well, warm-ish. It was only a hoodie to fight off the freezing cold after all. Hugging the red stuffed animal tightly, Salem walked absent mindedly. She should really name the thing, though she had no idea what to name it...

"What would be the most ironic?"

After asking herself this out loud, Salem thought about it for a moment before a sly smile spread across her face. Holding the stuffed animal at arm's length in front of her face, Salem giggled.

"Mercy... I dub thee Mercy."

As to why that was so ironic, you will find out later. Hugging the now named Mercy, Salem turned her attention back to her surroundings. She was nearing a bridge which caused her to quickly stop in her tracks. This was where one would normally meet Sans for the first time. But that was in regular Undertale, not Underfell. Hugging the toy tighter, Salem looked at her surroundings. Maybe she would catch a glimpse of something. But all she saw was snow and dead trees. Frowning a little, Salem turned back to look at the bridge only to see a thing flying at her face. With wide eyes, Salem fell on her ass and managed to dodge the thing as it flew overhead. Blindly grabbing the item that landed only a few inches behind her, Salem stood up and scowled.

"EXCUSE ME?!"

With her eye twitching, Salem threw the item, which she now found to be a bone, in the general direction it came from. Of course, it didn't go very far and simply plopped into the snow only a few feet away from the girl. This only seemed to piss off Salem more and she stomped her foot and clenched her free fist.

"Who in their right mind attacks a defenseless child?! Who the _fuck_ threw that?! Show your sorry ass you piece of shit! You cowardly little doosh! Face me like the prick you are! What do you have to lose? I'm only a little kid right?! Get the HELL out here!"

"heh, wow kid. ya sure have quite a mouth on ya..."

Hearing the voice, Salem spun to face her attacker with an enraged aura. But the moment she saw who it was, all her anger dissipated. With her arms falling slack to her side, Salem found her mouth was hanging slightly open. In front of her was none other than Sans. Underfell Sans to be specific, and dayum was he a hot pile of bones. With a shaky hand, Salem pointed to him and said the first thing that managed to come out of her mouth.

"Holy shit you're _hot_!"

"uh... what?"

"That's not even fair! A skeleton shouldn't be that sexy! I call hackz! No! How will I tell my parents that I'm a fucking skelesexual!"

"a what?"

"I don't wanna be a skeleton fucker! God forgive me for I have sinned!"

"kid... do you even know what any of that means? you're a fuckin' weirdo, but i suppose a compliment's a compliment after all. why don't you calm down a bit and-"

"AH! NO! Don't come near me with yo glowy ecto-dick! You pedophile! I'm like ten or something! RAAAAAPE!"

Having seeming to have had enough, Sans grunted and frowned. Salem was being a little too loud for his tastes. Without a second thought, he summoned up another bone while Salem was screaming and shot it towards her head. Apparently it hit just the right spot and caused Salem to pass out.


	4. Whoops...

Snapping her eyes open, Salem quickly shot up into a sitting position. Which was the wrong move apparently, seeing as her vision once again went black and she swayed a bit. Throwing out a hand to help balance herself, Salem wondered what exactly happened. She remembered screaming at Sans, then nothing. With her face falling a bit, Salem blinked as realization set it.

"That little _shit_ knocked me out! What a prick! I swear to fucking god I'll-"

"you'll _what_? nice to see ya awake kid. now that ya've calmed down and i have yur attention-"

"OHMYGOD! What did you do to me?! Did you rape me?! NUUU! I've been violated by a skeleton! A pedophile skeleton! I'm filing a lawsuit you calcium abundant piece of collagen! May your marrow be sucked out and fed to parasitic organisms that find their home in your decaying dust pile!"

Surprisingly enough, Sans seemed rather taken aback by what Salem said. But after a moment, his shock switched over to anger and he quickly pinned the human girl down.

"shut the fuck up ya little bitch. it almost sounds like ya _want_ me to do something nasty to ya. i ain't interested in little kids. yur one sick little girl. what kind of people raised ya? heh, i don't even care... get up brat, yur coming with me..."

Salem went wide eyed at the sudden proximity of the sexyton. She was not expecting to be pinned, or even touched for that matter. Salem HATED being touched, to the point that she did whatever she could to avoid such situations. The technical term for her fear is Chiraptophobia, the irrational fear of being touched. And as such, Salem had two reactions to the sudden unwanted contact. This time, she went with the first one, which is freezing up like a scared animal. Sans seemed pleased with this reaction and quickly stood up. He looked down at Salem with a smirk and shoved his hands in his pockets. Salem of course was still frozen in place and staring at nothing in particular. Sans' smirk slipped into a scowl and not so gently kicked Salem's leg. This jolted her out of her daze and made her look up at Sans in fear. Which then promptly turned into rage.

"get up girly. as i said, yur comin' with me..."

"No."

"excuse me? what makes ya think ya can talk to me that way? do ya have any idea who i am brat?"

"... You are Sans the skeleton. Brother of the Great Papyrus. A sentry for the royal guard of king Asgore Dreemurr."

"wha-? how do you-? who the fuck told you that?"

"Like I would tell you? So why don't you fuck off and we can go our separate ways, hm?"

"tsk... no way bucko. i can't let ya go after hearing all that. ya piqued my interest girly, which is _not_ a good thing. i was going to hand ya over to my brother, but yur interesting. i think i'll be keeping ya for myself. heh, finders keepers, right?"

"You're sick, ya know that Sans?"

"says the girl who was talking 'bout rape and pedophilia only moments ago. and that's 'master' to ya brat. now get up before i make ya kid."

"Anyone would be worried about such things after being knocked out like that! And there is no way in hell that I'm calling you that. I don't have that fucking kink and I won't be enforcing yours buddy. You can't make me do shit!"

"yur really pushing it girly. seems i need to teach ya who's boss..."

"Whatcha gonna do Mr. 1HP? Kill me? Heh, go right ahead, save me the trouble ya fucking idiot..."

Sans practically growled in anger at Salem's retort, his eye socket started fiercely glowing red. Bones appeared around him and got ready to tear through Salem. But at the last minute, they vanished and a sick smile spread across Sans' skull.

"heh, ya almost got me there girly... but i ain't killin' my new toy. sorry, ya ain't getting your death wish granted just yet. yur kinda a freak aren't ya?"

"Oh my god... Of all monsters to SPARE me, I didn't think it would be _you_... Uh, anyway! Fite meh brah!"

Out of nowhere a raggedy yellow flower popped up out of the collar of Salem's hoodie. Sans paused seeing this while Salem seemed to get agitated.

"What are you _doing_?! Run! Don't fight him! You can't possibly beat this guy-"

"And where the FUCK have you been this whole time?! You little shit! I could have used your help ya know! No! You don't get a say in any of this! Go back 'inside' and shut your patootie! Tck, only coming out when I try to fight... Hypocrite..."

"Wha-? Are you insane!? But now that you mention it, why were you talking about all that 'adult' stuff?! And asking to be killed?! I'm in your sweater you know! I would have gotten hit too!"

"Well MAYBE if you came out to help, I would have reconsidered the whole dying thing. But as it was, you were pissing me off enough to allow some collateral damage! And it's none of your concern what I talk about! You aren't my mommy!"

"heh, wow kid. don't mean ta interrupt, but i'm still here ya know..."

"YOU shut your pie hole! I'm having a conversation here!"

Salem turned her attention back to the pouting flower next to her face. Unfortunately, doing this prevented her from noticing a certain skeleton grow enraged and summon a bone. While still yelling at Flowey, Salem didn't see the bone fly at her and hit her in the stomach. Falling to her knees and dry heaving, she hadn't eaten anything to actual throw up, Salem tried to catch her breath.

"seems i got yur attention now ya cocky little brat... you don't talk to me that way, got it?"

Finally catching her breath, Salem held a hand over her stomach while she slowly stood up. Her eyes were hidden in the shadow of her bangs as she clenched Mercy close to her chest. Flowey was freaking out and trying to get Salem to say something to him to show she was alright. But Salem kept quiet as she walked over to sans and stood before him almost submissively. This earned a smug grin from Sans, him thinking he won. Leaning down to Salem's level, Sans laughed.

"see, i'm boss. ya broke rather fast for someone with such a big mou-ugh!"

Before Sans even finished his little speech, he was knocked to the ground. Completely bewildered, Sans looked up to see Salem standing over him. Before Sans could even process what he was seeing, he was hit again in the face, causing his skull to crack back. A booted foot rammed down on the skeleton's rib cage, effectively holding the monster down. Once again looking at the young girl above him, Sans was surprised to see her glaring at him in anger. Her toy came crashing down, hitting the skeleton once again in the head. It surprisingly dealt a lot of damage for a thing made of stuffing.

"You fucking dick! I'm gonna fucking rearrange your whole anatomy until not even a osteologist would recognize you! But don't worry, I won't kill you. Your death wish won't be granted just yet~"

"S-Salem... Calm down... You don't have to-"

"You shut up you stupid piece of chlorophyll! I have a _bone_ to pick with this bastard!"

"Salem! Please stop... You're scaring me..."

".... Tck... Fine... I broke my hand with the first hit anyway... This prick is _hard headed_..."

Both Sans and Flowey directed their sight to the hand Salem was delicately holding out. It was rather limp and turning purple. Apparently in her anger, Salem flat out punched a skeleton in the face. Not exactly a smart idea. Grinding her teeth, Salem gave Sans a half hearted kick and backed away. She was in shock and didn't really feel any pain, but it was bound to hurt like a bitch any second now.

"That was stupid... I'm pretty much useless now... Hey Flowey? Wanna do me a favor?"

"No! No way am I doing _that_! You're nuts!"

"Tsk... Fine... Heh, and I guess asking you to kill me would be out of the question too then?"

While asking this, Salem looked over to Sans with a sneer. Getting no answer from the beaten skeleton, Salem scoffed and told Flowey to get off for a moment. Sans watched groggily as the girl limped over to the bridge. 

"w-what are ya doin'?"

"Apparently none of you guys are gonna do it, so I have to off myself... Heh, I really didn't want to do this..."

"WHAT?! Salem! Think this through! I can help you-"

"See ya in a minute Flowey! This is gonna hurt like a bitch..."

Without a second thought, Fay 'fell' off the side of the bridge and plummeted to her death. And then she woke up just outside of the ruins.


	5. Let's try this AGAIN!

To say Flowey was pissed would be an understatement. He was actually scolding Salem like a child, though he probably thought she was one. He was once again hiding from the cold in the depths of Salem's hoodie as she stomped onwards to the bridge. She was getting annoyed about Flowey's constant nagging and tried not to snap at the flower wrapped around her torso. He was only worried about her after all. Besides... Talking back only created more conflict, it was best to just stay silent. Answer questions with short responses. And if that didn't work, verbally bash yourself. Hey, it worked at home. Reaching the bridge faster than before, Salem nodded to Flowey to show she was listening. That's when a bone shot out and actually nicked her in the head. Luckily, she didn't pass out this time. Simply holding a hand to her forehead, Salem looked in the direction Sans was going to appear.

"heh, ya sure screwed up in coming here kiddo. ya wanna have a bad time?"

"I already had one, but thanks for the offer..."

"wow, rather _gutsy_ of ya. didn't yur parents ever tell ya to not talk ta strangers?"

"Stranger danger is for people who don't know what they're getting into..."

"so yur sayin' ya know what's up then, huh? i doubt that kid..."

"I'm sure you do... So how are we gonna do this? Ya gonna attack? Knock me out? Or do we get to do some fantabulous puzzles?"

"just who do ya think yur talking to here kid? ya have a death wish or somethin'?"

"Heh, we've already established that fact... So... Howdy... I'm Salem..."

Sans looked Salem over head to toe eyeing her suspiciously. She seemed to be at most ten years old, and already she was a cocky little shit. And a human at that. His brother would be really impressed if Sans handed this kid over. Maybe even enough to get off his back. But the fact was that Sans could have sworn he saw this girl before. Had a completely different conversation with her in this exact spot. But that was impossible.

"consider yurself lucky kid. you get to be a little gift to the head of the royal guard. try anything funny and death will be the least of yur worries..."

"Oh whoopie... I'm so excite... Take meh to yur leader~"

Without even waiting for a response, Salem started walking across the bridge and hugged Mercy to her chest. Now ahead of Sans, Salem looked back to raise a brow.

"Move it _lazy bones_... As much as I'd love to stick around and chat... Yeah no... Move yur ass bone man..."

"ya bitch... don't talk ta me like that! learn some respect ya-"

"Oh! Gomenasai Sans-sama~ Forgive me for my insolence... Please, lead the way... _Master_."

The sarcasm was literally dripping from Salem's words, but Sans was a little too shocked to care. Not only had she just called him "master" like he was about to demand, but she also said his name. Narrowing his eyes, Sans teleported in front of Salem and got up in her face. Shocked by this, Salem jumped and leaned back a bit.

"how'd ya know my name brat?"

"Y-you told me only a moment ago..."

"no, i didn't. who the hell are you?"

Narrowing her eyes, Salem leaned in towards Sans, in turn making him back up a bit. He started to sweat a bit as Salem's brown, almost black, eyes darkened.

"I'm Salem... A weak pathetic human with a death wish. So step off you pedo-skeleton."

"p-pedo-skele- wait a minute... haven't we done this before?"

"Only if ya remember doing so sweety~"

"you little bitch! answer my question, why don't cha _honey_?"

"Oh, I feel so loved~ We're already using nick names!"

"heh, the only "love" i know about is 'level of violence'. so brat, speak."

"arf arf..."

Scowling, Sans reached out and roughly grabbed Salem's arm. With a panicked squeak, Salem felt herself get dragged along before a weird sensation overwhelmed her body. It was gone a second later, but it still made her stomach flip. Managing to pull out of Sans grasp, Salem fell to the ground and tried to hold back a dry heave. Ya can't puke if there's nothing to puke out, remember? Glaring angrily at Sans, Salem realized that they were no longer in the woods. Instead, they were in a dark room that was rather messy, despite the lack of actual objects. Scrunching up her nose, Salem shot her gaze over to Sans.

"What happened to taking me to Papyrus?"

"heh, plans changed... how do you know that name brat?"

"...I heard it somewhere..."

"that's bull shit kid. tell me what you know. i won't keep playin' around with ya..."

"Ya know what? Fine. I'll tell you! I'm actually from an alternate universe where this is all a video game so I know shit. I know you're Sans, brother to the Great Papyrus. I know about the damned barrier and King Asgore. And I know about the human souls needed to break said barrier. Happy, ya fucking prick? So take my stupid worthless piece of shit soul and be done with it! Or do I have to do this all over again?"

"why you little bi-"

"SANS! YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF BONES! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUT ON GUARD! CAN I NOT TRUST YOU WITH EVEN THE SIMPLEST OF TASKS?"

Without any warning, a large skeleton barged into Sans room and started screaming. Scowling yet sweating nervously, Sans faced his brother as he shoved Salem into view like an offering.

"h-heh, hey bro... look, i'm not slacking off. see i caught-"

"IS THIS A HUMAN SANS?"

"y-yeah. i caught her outside of the ruins. i was bringing her to ya."

"WELL, YOU AREN'T COMPLETELY WORTHLESS. HAND IT OVER THEN. YOU'RE DONE HERE."

"b-but boss..."

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I KILL YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF BONES."

With a rather violent kick, Papyrus knocked Sans to the side without a care. Narrowing her eyes, Salem looked up at Papyrus defiantly and placed her hands on her hips.

"You're kinda a prick aren't you? Who the hell treats their own brother like that?"

"SILENCE HUMAN! YOUR COMMENT JUST COST YOU YOUR LIFE."

Before Salem could even process what was happening, a bone pierced through her head, killing her instantly. Waking up with a gasp, Salem looked down at Flowey as she was once again in front of the ruins.

"Well god dammit..."


	6. ONE more time...

Flowey looked up at Salem and frowned. Shivering slightly, Salem nodded, signaling him to once again retreat into the warmth of her hoodie.

"He was scary..."

"Not really... More annoying than anything. So, have any ideas how to get out of this?"

"Um... Don't talk and run for your life?"

"Eh, sure, why not?"

"...Sorry for not helping back there..."

"Heh, don't worry about it. The skele-bro's are ass holes..."

With that final comment, Salem started to march forward. Upon reaching the bridge, Salem ducked as a bone flied towards her. Without waiting for San to show himself, Salem walked across the bridge while hugging her doll. Sans popped out of the trees and seemed pissed that she was ignoring him.

"hey, is that any way to greet yur new master?"

Looking back at him, Salem kept an emotionless face and started running in the opposite direction of the now angry skeleton. However, he didn't seem to even try to chase after her. Too lazy perhaps? After running a while, Salem came upon the first puzzle. She solved it quickly, seeing as she didn't have that stupid zappy orb. Salem actually got through the puzzles rather easily, having also memorized them from the game. Flowey didn't question it and made small talk as they trudged on. Eventually, they came across a monster. Despite her trying to SPARE the monster, the thing kept attacking and taunting her. Eventually, Salem had had enough and snapped.

"Would you shut up and let me SPARE you already?! You stubborn piece of shit!"

"Like I'd let a stupid human SPARE me."

With an exasperated growl, Salem grabbed Mercy and repeatedly hit the monster. She wasn't going to kill it. Just beat it up a bit. Vent some anger, ya know? But the monster was weaker than Salem thought and turned to dust with her second hit. With Mercy held above her head for a third attack, Salem froze and looked at the dust pile at her feet. Not a speck landed on her, oddly enough, but that didn't make up for the fact that she just KILLED someone. Stumbling back, Salem fell on her butt and covered her mouth with her hand.

"Oh...Oh my god... I... I didn't want to KILL him... I only hit him twice... He... He can't be dead... Right?"

"Salem..."

"God I really killed him. I could have just run away. But no, I dusted the poor thing! Oh... God... Flowey... I..."

"Shh, it's okay. It's okay Salem. You couldn't have known that. Calm down... We need to keep going before someone else finds us..."

"I just KILLED someone Flowey... That's... That's... Heh, I'm not even upset about it. I don't even feel anything Flowey. That's not normal. Flowey, I'm scared... Why don't I feel anything!?"

"S-Salem?"

"I... I'm gonna reset..."

"What? Why?! That-"

"Please?... At least let me pretend that this was a bad dream?"

"... It's not exactly up to me..."

"Thank you... I... I'm sorry..."

**-RESET-**

Getting through the ruins took only half an hour and somehow, Salem managed to talk Toriel into letting her leave. It was actually kinda weird, Toriel cried but didn't stop Salem. She even offered some supplies. Of course, Salem still forced goat mom to take her cell number, but other than that, everything went smoothly. It was like she was regular Toriel, not the underfell version. Flowey also found this odd and kept silent as Salem walked out of the ruins. Making a SAVE, Salem walked up to the bridge and dodged the bone thrown at her. It would seem everyone else was still evil. Sans was already in sight after Salem looked back. Normally he waited for dramatic affect or something. His eyes were glowing red and narrowed.

"what the hell did ya _do_ kid?"

"What are you talking about? W-who are you?"

"don't give me that crap. we both know we've done this before... Salem, right? what the fuck _are_ ya?"

"I don't-"

"don't lie to me bitch! the first time we met, ya spouted nonsense about me being a pedo. sayin' crude shit no kid should know about. heh, remember _honey_? i won't go lettin' ya run away this time..."

"... Sans... You shouldn't be able to remember. Not this well..."

"and why not? what the hell did ya do?!"

"..."

" silent treatment huh? well _honey_ , i won't stop tell i get some answers..."

"Tsk... I don't know what you want me to say. I gave you my story..."

"and i don't believe that crap... and it don't explain the time loops..."

"Well, that's all I can really tell you... I don't know how this all works... I shouldn't even be here..."

Scowling, Sans shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet. Looking to the side, he seemed to decide something and approached Salem. She of course took a step back, but stopped when he did.

"even if i kill ya, you'll come back... so it's pointless ta hurt ya. ya obviously won't tell me anything either..."

"I don't have anything to tell..."

"then i guess my only option is ta watch ya."

Raising a brown, Salem looked an Sans suspiciously. He made no move to attack and looked far more determined that Salem did. Giving a sigh, Salem looked over at Sans.

"I'll tell you this... Though it'll only make things more confusing... I don't have any DETERMINATION... None... So technically, none of this should even be possible..."

Sans narrowed his eyes, hearing a term he hadn't thought he would even hear again. This girl obviously knew more than she was telling him, and it only made him more interested. With mild uncertainty, Salem started walking across the bridge and headed off towards Snowdin. To her utter surprise, Sans followed her. He wasn't even trying to hide what he was doing. Looking back at him, Salem frowned but kept going.

"I'm gonna guess you won't help me in any confrontations. So you'll just watch me die..."

"I'm not saving yur ass. You'll come back anyway... Why make the effort?"

"Heh, wow, I really feel the love bro."

"level of violence kid... that's all that means..."

"To _you_..."

With a sigh, Salem trudged on and started solving the puzzles she had no right to know the answer to.


	7. Best Frienemy?

"I still don't see why you let him follow us around..."

"He's not attacking us, and he isn't getting in the way. So I don't see the problem here."

"The problem is that he wants you _dead_ Salem. I don't trust him one bit."

"i can hear you ya talking weed. i never said i wouldn't kill _you_..."

This seemed to shut up Flowey as he hid in Salem's hoodie. Solving the puzzles were easy, but fighting monsters was a pain in the ass. Salem managed to SPARE them all and got quite a bit of gold out of it. While she wouldn't admit it, she was kind of grinding. Money was always something handy to have. Seeing a stand in the distance, Salem gave a thoughtful pout and ran towards the nice cream vendor. Sans watched in a mix of amusement and disgust as Salem bought a nice cream. Rolling his eyes, Sans stood next to Salem and glowered down at her.

"getting hungry there _honey_?"

"I really hate that nickname... And no... Dying tends to kill my appetite..."

"the why the hell did ya-"

"Shut up and take your fucking nice cream you ass..."

Shoving the treat into Sans hands, Salem stomped off, leaving Sans in a stunned silence.

"what the hell? w-why did ya-"

"Would you just be quiet and take the free food? I'll gladly take it back. I could use it for later..."

"but... why did ya give me..."

"You're hungry aren't you? You've been walking as long as I have, so ya need food..."

"that's not what i meant..."

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth buddy... Take the food and stop talking about it..."

Finally shutting up, Sans opened the wrapper and ate his nice cream. After that, he looked at Salem rather strangely until they finally made it to Snowdin. Making a SAVE, Salem looked over to Sans and waved him off. She assumed that since they were in town, he would skedaddle. But he just stayed put.

"We're in town now, just go home. I'll be here a while. Go get some sleep or something..."

But Sans didn't move. Instead he looked away awkwardly when Salem stared at him. Raising a brow, Salem walked over to Sans and placed her hands on her hips.

"I'm fine ya know. I won't leave today. I need sleep too... Besides, I doubt you'd lose me. You have a stand in Waterfall and Hotland... So don't worry about-"

"i'm not _worried_ , ya brat!"

"Then go home and rest."

Sans continued to stand there, now shuffling about uncomfortably. With a sigh, Salem rubbed her face. She had an idea as to why he was sticking around, and frankly, the thought bothered her.

"You don't owe me for the nice cream... It was a thank you for not murdering me on sight. So you don't _owe_ me anything, got it? Scoot yur patoot already... Ya don't want to be seen with a weak human, do ya?"

"the towns people will attack ya-"

"Then they attack me. Like that won't happen anyway? Move your boney butt. I know you're tired. Go sleep. I don't want to carry you around like an infant."

This seemed to piss off Sans enough to get him to leave. With a sigh, Salem walked over to the INN and paid for a room. She spent the rest of the day talking to Flowey and counting her money. She really had no plans for getting out of the underground. Then again, neither did Flowey.

"Heh, so I guess I'm trapped here with you guys. Not too bad really. It's cool here..."

" _Cool_?! Are you an idiot?! Don't you want to go home? What about your family?!"

"Yes I'm retarded! Don't rub it in... As for my family... I really don't want to think about it... I'm ending this conversation."

"Salem... You have to do something..."

"I can plant you..."

"Why would you-"

"Well, for one, you'd be safer. You'd be able to get your planty nutrients, and even stay warmer. You also wouldn't have to watch me die every ten minutes while I derp about. We don't have a plan, so until then, I need to learn what I can. You can help with that too. You can be a spy ninja or something... If you hear something useful, you can come tell me. See? It's a better option in general really. Now I don't have to worry about you getting hurt because of me."

Letting out a sigh, Flowey shook his head and looked up at the human girl. She had a point, but he really didn't want to leave her alone in this place. It was dangerous and scary; wouldn't any child want a friend in a place like this? But Salem wasn't a normal child.

"You aren't going to change your mind about this are you?"

"Nope~"

"Then I guess I'll do it. If you ever need my help just shout my name. Okay?"

"Deal. Thanks Asriel... You're a good friend."

"Heh, no problem Salem..."

After a long nights rest, Salem got up and quickly planted Flowey in the ground. He buried away and was off to god knows where to start learning whatever he could. Feeling almost instantly lonely, Salem hugged Mercy to her chest and sighed. She would get over it. She always did. Her default mode was loneliness anyway. So this wasn't that big of a deal. Being sure to ration what money she had left, Salem managed to buy some food with only mild difficulty. She avoided Grillby's altogether, knowing full well that UF!Grillby would jump at a chance to capture a human. She'd rather avoid that whole situation honestly.

Leaving the shop, Salem was surprised to see Sans a little ways off. But it all made more sense when she spotted Papyrus next to him. He was shouting as usual, but what Salem didn't expect was for him to full out attack Sans. Wincing, Salem took a step back to get out of sight. But Papyrus didn't stop after one simple hit. He kept hurting his brother, causing Salem to scowl a bit. No one even spared a second glance as Sans got his ass handed to him. Scowling, Salem picked up a decently sized rock and chucked it at Papyrus. To her utter surprise, it actually hit him. Though her victory was short lived, as this turned the tall skeleton's attention onto her.

"A HUMAN?! SANS! YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT. YOU COULDN'T EVEN STOP A SINGLE HUMAN."

"You complete ass hole! Don't talk to him that way. I don't care if you're his brother. You can't treat him like that! The fuck is wrong with you?! I won't let you do this!"

"THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS HUMAN. BUT SINCE YOU SEEM EAGER TO DEFEND THIS WORTHLESS TRASH, YOU WON'T MIND TAKING A BEATING FOR HIM."

Still glowering, Salem crouched down, preparing for a fight. Her soul burst from her body, an oddly dull and translucent soul the color of grey. But it was steady and very mobile. Holding Mercy in front of her, Salem watched as a series of bones launched towards her. Dodging them, Salem leaped towards Papyrus and hit him with Mercy. It dealt quite a bit of damage, as if the doll was the thing gaining EXP and LV, not Salem. But the girl paid this no mind. She once again dodged to the side as another attack rushed her. She wouldn't be able to beat Papyrus. Salem knew that. But she wasn't going to sit back at watch Sans get hurt. What could she say, he was her favorite character.

"NYEHEHEH. YOU ARE QUITE A QUICK LITTLE PEST. BUT CAN YOU DODGE WITHOUT THE USE OF YOUR LEGS?"

Salem's eyes widened as she realized too late that Papyrus sent an attack from behind towards her legs. Getting hit, Salem fell to the ground with a scream. Struggling to get on her hands and knees, Salem noticed almost all of her health was gone. In fact, she never had much HP to begin with. She only had eight HP... That's less than half of what Frisk had!

"What the actual fuck? I get it, I don't have any hope but seriously?! HACKZ!"

"YOU'RE WEAK. HOW DID YOU EVEN LAST THIS LONG? HMPF, I'LL BE TAKING YOUR SOUL NOW HUMAN."

"Like you even could... Heh... See ya Sans. Hey Pap, wanna know a secret?"

Papyrus tilted his head in an annoyed yet cautious manner. Salem was far from being able to get up, let alone fight back. Sans widened his eyes as he remembered what Salem did the last time she was almost caught.

"oh jeeze kid... what are ya gonna-"

"Heh, actually, it's not even a secret. Papyrus... You're WEAK. A complete and utter _fool_ that can't even ki-"

In a furious movement, Papyrus summoned a bone like sword and pointed it at Salem. Neither Sans nor Salem could say a thing before the sword speared the girl though her head. Salem was once again outside the INN, completely unharmed and looking at the spot she had just let Flowey burrow into. Clenching her jaw, Salem hugged Mercy tightly and marched to the shop to repurchase her items. Immediately leaving, Salem made her way to where she saw Sans getting hurt earlier. To no surprise, the skelebros were there, and Sans was still getting his ass whooped. Unfortunately, he saw her first and called out.

"the hell kid? just run! i don't need yur damned help..."

"HELP? WHO WOULD HELP _YOU_? NO ONE WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO- A HUMAN?! SANS! DON'T TELL ME YOU LET THIS PEST LIVE! AND ASKING IT FOR HELP? I TAUGHT YOU BETTER 'BROTHER'. SEEMS I NEED TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS ONCE AGAIN. WORTHLESS."

With surprising speed, Papyrus threw an attack at Salem. She dodged easily, but it was only a distraction as another attack was right behind it. She wouldn't be able to dodge it at all. She was going to die again. Well fuck.


	8. WTAF Sans?!

Fully prepared to feel pain, Salem shut her eyes and hugged Mercy to her chest. But the pain never came. Instead, she had this odd fuzzy feeling surround her. Peaking open one eye, Salem was shocked to find herself surrounded by a red light and floating off the ground. Her confusion only lasted a moment as Papyrus was soon screaming at his brother for interfering. He was about to hit Sans when the shorter skeleton dodged to the side and managed to run under Salem. The magic vanished and Salem fell to the ground, only to be caught in Sans arms.

"Wha- Why? Sans! Why the hell did you help me? Now your bro will hate you. If I died, I would have come back you idiot! Put me down!"

"shut up brat..."

Sans, now holding Salem bridal style, dodged again as a series of bones shot towards them. Salem was heavily contemplating hitting Sans upside the head when Papyrus' screaming once again caught her attention.

"YOU FILTHY TRAITOR! WHY ARE YOU ASSISTING THE HUMAN SANS? GET BACK OVER HERE NOW. YOU'LL BE PUNISHED FOR THIS AFTER I'VE DEALT WITH THE HUMAN."

"h-heh. no can do boss... i already decided somethin', and ya won't be havin' _my_ human."

" _Your_ human?!"

" _YOUR_ HUMAN? I SEE, YOU HAVE CLAIMED THIS HUMAN AS YOUR OWN. YOU DISGUST ME SANS. NOT ONLY DO YOU PICK A HUMAN, BUT A CHILD AT THAT."

"Oh my god... Is he saying what I _think_ he's saying?! Oh god... This is like the most cliché thing ever... Just let me die Sans!"

"would ya _shut up_ Salem? i'm trying to save yur ass here."

Startled from him using her real name, Salem shut her mouth and stared at the skeleton holding her. Surprisingly, Papyrus stopped his attacks and straightened up. With a final scowl directed towards his brother, Papyrus turned his back and started to march off.

"DON'T BOTHER COMING BACK TO _MY_ HOUSE. IF I SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL KILL YOU AND THAT HUMAN... MATE OR NOT..."

And with that, Papyrus was gone. Sans let out a breath and relaxed a bit until a little hand hit him upside the head. Looking over to the girl in his arms, Sans started to sweat a bit and quickly put her down.

"SANS... What. The. FUCK. Was _that_ all about? MATE?! Holy shit... You really are a pedophile... Oh god... OH GOD!"

"Salem... calm down... it was just ta keep Papyrus from killing ya... it doesn't mean anything. just... just shut up!"

Salem quickly closed her mouth but continued to glare at the skeleton in front of her. However, her silence didn't last long. Sans sighed when she started talking again, but Salem paid that no mind.

"What happened to NOT helping me? You could have stayed on your brother's good side if you just let him kill me. I would have come back anyway. Are you stupid? We had a deal ya ding bat..."

"ding bat? really?"

"THAT is NOT what we are going to focus on. You just claimed me as your _mate_! That's kinda significant ya know! And you just turned your brother against you. He's your family!"

"i couldn't care less bout that ass-"

"Don't. Lie... He's your brother. Of course you love him..."

"love's just level of-"

"Not that 'love'. God... You just gave up your family to help me. ME! I'm completely worthless! I'm better off dead! What were you even thinking?"

"i dun know... would ya stop nagging me... i just _saved_ ya, didn't i?"

"But why?! You didn't have to! You shouldn't have! UGH! I just ruined your life!"

"... _that's_ what yur worried bout? seriously?"

"DUH! I don't have a life to speak of! I shouldn't even be here. Hell, I should be dead! I refuse to ruin whatever life you have! I'm gonna LOAD a SAVE."

Out of nowhere, Sans grabbed Salem's arm rather roughly, but not painfully. Looking over at the skeleton with obvious fear, he was touching her after all, Salem froze. His eyes were dark and he was uncomfortably close.

"are ya really gonna make what i just did pointless?"

"YES!"

"Salem... don't..."

"D-Don't touch me! And why do you care all of a sudden?"

Pulling her hand free, Salem looked away from Sans with a scowl. Hugging herself, Salem did her best to not back away from the skeleton beside her.

"heh, i shoulda just let ya die. ungrateful brat."

"You _should_ have... It would have been better... Maybe I would have finally stayed dead this time..."

"don't say that like ya want it to happen, idiot..."

"Well maybe I do? It's none of your business! What's it even matter to you?! Fuck... Now I'm stuck with you. I wonder what Flowey is gonna say to this."

"ya ain't telling that little weed _shit_. like i said, it was just to save ya. i only helped ya because ya helped me."

"But now you're stuck with me. And I owe you my life. It not worth much either... It probably isn't even a whole soul... It might not even break the barrier..."

Sans scowled and hit Salem. It wasn't hard, but enough to keep her quiet a moment. In slight shick, Salem bit her tongue and crossed her arms. Sans sighed and looked at the girl he was now stuck with.

"shit... ya really are just a kid... this is embarrassing..."

"Heh, love ya too _hubby_ ~"

"would ya shut up brat... i'm regretting this already..."

"I can still RELOAD if-"

" _shut up_..."


	9. Down Time

Salem and Sans were still in Snowdin. They were sort of at a loss for what to do. Now that Salem was Sans "mate", no one could hurt her. At least, not without making it so they were officially enemies with Sans. Apparently, even evil angst monsters have some kind of standards. Scowling to herself, Salem lay down in the snow and rolled around. Sans was making a point to ignore Salem, though he made no move to just up and leave.

An uncomfortable silence overtook the two as Salem stopped flailing about in the snow and sat up. Now soaked to the bone, Salem shivered a bit and realized she was freezing. Like she does with everything else concerning her health, Salem just ignored the problem and went over to Sans.

"So what now? I owe you my defective life. I technically belong to you now... Heh, you're not actually gonna make me call you master, are you?"

"yur really getting on my nerves kid... don't ya know how to be _silent_?"

Scrunching up her nose, Salem stuck out her tongue at Sans and flicked him off. Crossing her arms over her chest, Salem nuzzled her face into the soft fur of Mercy. Sans had no qualms about flicking off Salem right back and quickly turned his back to her. Taking this chance, Salem hid her now trembling hands in her sleeves and shivered to herself. This place was slowly turning miserable, and not because of the cold.

"We need to leave... Snowdin isn't safe for either of us anymore..."

"don't tell me what to do."

"I'm _not_. I can't make you do anything. I'm just saying it would really suck to be attacked by Papyrus... So maybe moving would be for the best..."

"hmph..."

"It's just a suggestion... "

Chewing on the inside of her cheek, Salem sat herself against a nearby tree and leaned her head back. For the first time since she came to the underground, she was bored. Sitting Mercy down in her lap, Salem shoved her hands in her hoodie pocket. Feeling the sleek metal and plastic in her hand, Salem pulled out her phone and wondered if the 4G thing was for real. What would she even do with it? Tapping twice on her phone screen, Salem watched the thing come to life. After aimlessly scrolling through her apps, Salem just went online and googled underfell. After about ten minutes of trying to find any similar headcanons that matched this place, Salem just gave up and started browsing through the art. As time went on, Salem found herself reading comics and fanfiction.

As was usual for the girl while reading, Salem started mumbling or straight up talking out loud to the comics. She would say a quote of dialogue with a funny face or scold the characters for being stupid. She would even laugh at the funny bits. Unbeknownst to her, Sans was watching her throughout all of it. He was rather creeped out by this girl's odd behavior. But he was also honestly curious as to what she was reading. The quotes and snippets she said seemed oddly... Well, anyway. Having his curiosity get the better of him, Sans crankily walked over to Salem and peered down at her phone.

"the hell you reading there? what's so funny? i could use a laugh after that hell..."

Salem jumped a bit and looked at Sans looming above her. Blushing brightly, which looked odd on her sickly pale skin, Salem fumbled with her phone and quickly hid the screen from view. This only pissed off Sans a bit as he rose a brow in suspicion.

"the _fuck_? i was just curious..."

"Um... Sorry. I just don't like people reading over my shoulder... Or watching over my shoulder... Or even looking at me..."

"well, hate to break it to ya kid, but it's hard to not stare at a crazy girl talking to herself."

Salem's blush grew even darker as she realized she had been talking out loud the whole time.

"E-Uh... Don't judge me! I'm usually alone, so... Me talking out loud... There's no one around to be bothered by it..."

Salem quickly turned off the screen and pocketed her phone. Turning to face away from Sans, she quickly stood and picked up Mercy.

"Let's go somewhere... You're hungry right? It's been... A while...? A few hours at least... You're starting to look like nothing but _bones_."

"kid, ya really need- did... did you just make a _pun_? oh my fucking god kid."

Sans smirked a bit at the terrible pun. Now that he thought about it, she had said quite a few. Ever since they met, she'd been making stupid puns. All of which Sans hadn't picked up on until now. He felt like an idiot for not noticing before, he was known for his own puns and pranks after all. Playing the puns over in his head, Sans did everything he could to keep from laughing. He failed. Chuckling to himself Sans shook his head.

"Seriously though, food. It's a thing apparently. So... seeing as I have no idea how to get anywhere, lead the way oh great one."

"if yur hungry, just say so kid. yeah, i know a place i guess. follow me, but let me do all the talking unless ya wanna screw us over."

"Yeah yeah, okay buddy boy. I am mute as of now. Heh, wish I knew ASL..."

Sans rolled his nonexistent eyes and marched off back towards Snowdin. Salem was quick to follow the grumpy skeleton as he led the way to Grillby's. She however, stopped just short of walking past one of the windows and looked at the building nervously. Noticing that she had stopped, Sans looked back to Salem and scowled.

"what's the holdup brat?"

Salem stayed silent and kind of just fidgeted in place. She was obviously reluctant on entering the establishment, but kept to her word of not talking. With an exasperated groan, Sans shoved his hands in his pockets and closed his eyes. He was getting a headache.

"put up yur damned hood and stay close... fuck kid, it's not _that_ bad..."

Salem did as she was told and promptly hid her face in the shadow of her hood. Pulling her hands into her sleeves, Salem hugged Mercy close and followed after Sans like a baby duckling. He walked inside like he owned the place and paid no mind the monsters staring at him. He sat himself down in his usual spot at the bar and motioned for Salem to take the seat next to him. Nodding, Salem sat Mercy on top of the bar and climbed onto the seat with obvious difficulty. For the longest time, Sans just watched Salem struggle with a smirk. But finally getting tired of waiting for the human, Sans used his magic to life her up onto the seat. Sitting stiffly next to her skeleton mate, Salem grabbed Mercy and hugged him close. Yes, Mercy is male. It's just the vibe Salem got from him.

Sans leaned lazily against the bar and honed his gaze onto a man made of purple fire wearing a... Okay, honestly it was a pimp coat with da fur. Pretty sure that's against food safety regulations, but what did Salem know? Said fire pimp was... What _was_ he doing? Was he on his phone? The _fuck_ dude? RUDE!

"hey girllby ya shit! get me two burgs. preferably today ya fucker."

In prompt response to Sans' "order", Grillby spun around and threw a shot glass at Sans. Who of which easily ducked out of the way. With his flames growing fiercer, Grillby strut over to the short skeleton and slammed his hands on the bar top. The monster's flames crackled in an almost melodious way and Sans growled in response.

"hows bout i pay my fucking tab when i actually get some mother fucking service around here?! which obviously won't be any time soon. so get me my damned food and go drown in a lake."

More crackling was made and Sans grew increasingly hostile. Pretty soon, both monsters were standing only inches from each other and looked ready to fight to the death. Biting her lip, Salem leaned over and tugged lightly on Sans' jacket. He snapped his gaze down to Salem, though the look on his face said he was anything but pleased to be interrupted. Flinching slightly under his glare, Salem quickly let go and leaned back in her seat.

"stay out of this brat. i don't have time to deal with ya and yur-"

Grillby had finally taken notice of Salem and seemed to say something, not that Salem could understand. Whatever he said, it caused Sans to stop talking mid sentence and clench his fist in anger. With red glowing eyes, Sans slowly turned to glare at Grillby. Everyone in the restaurant fell silent and turned to stare at the quarreling monsters. An uneasy feeling fell over Salem and she nervously tugged down on her hood.

"what ya just say? ya have a _death_ wish grillbs? cause i'd be happy ta oblige..."


	10. Like Fire! Hellfire!

Salem shrank back in her seat a bit as Grillby flat out ignored Sans and leaned in to take a closer look at her. He said something again, but not being able to understand any of it, Salem stayed quiet. Sans visibly turned red, though whether that was from anger or what Grillby said, Salem had no idea. Grillby reached out a hand and tried to take off Salem's hood, but she quickly dodged and slipped out of her seat. Taking a few steps back, she made sure to keep her head down so no one could actually see her face. Grillby made some sort of weird laugh and looked over to Sans. Leaning on the bar, Grillby spoke to Sans a bit and looked to be having the best time.

"what? buy her? the hell ya want that runt for?.... how much we talkin'?

"Sans."

"just hold on, hold on honey, i'm curious here..."

"SANS!"

"heh, yeah yeah. im just kiddin brat. she ain't for sale grillbz! n' she's worth more than that ya flamin' shit..."

Salem watched the two converse in confusion. Grillby wanted to buy her?! What the actual fuck?! As if taking that as a challenge, the fire elemental pulled out a rather hefty bag of gold. Sans started sweating a bit, being obviously tempted by the sheer amount of gold being offered to him. Seeing Sans' resolve weaken, Grillby pulled out another bag of gold. Sans' eyes went dark a moment before he reached out and grabbed the money.

"WHAT?! Sans!"

"sorry toots, he even offered to clear my tab. meet your new owner kiddo. see ya 'round grillbz."

Pocketing the two bags of gold, Sans gave a wave and spun on his heel. Without even looking back, the skeleton walked out of the restaurant with a smug smile. Clenching her fists, Salem was about to run after the bastard when a flaming hand picked her up by her waist. Struggling like a wild animal, Salem vowed to kick Sans' ass the next time she saw him. Seeming to not especially want to deal with a screaming child, Grillby quickly took Salem into the back and locked her in a small closet.

Not that Salem was any good at telling time, but she figured she was in there for at least a good three hours before the flame brain came back. By then Salem had tired herself out from thinking of ways to get back at Sans. In fact, Salem was practically asleep when she felt herself being dragged out of the closet. By the time she knew what was happening, she was already chained to the floor. Looking down at the steel cuff latched around her ankle, Salem realized she would be getting nowhere unless she died.

"Okay... So which way do I go out this time?"

Unfortunately, despite only whispering, Grillby overheard her. Yanking her by her arm rather painfully, Grillby growled threateningly at Salem. It was clear he would be keeping a close eye on her for the rest of the night. Well shit. Sighing to herself, Salem just kinda sat down in the corner by the juke box. Grillby always seemed to be watching her, even when he was actually doing his job. Every now and then, a monster would look at Salem in slight interest and talk to Grillby in hushed tones. Scrunching up her nose, Salem did her best to not listen. Hugging herself, Salem finally realized that she didn't have Mercy with her. Where did he go? The stuffed animal was nowhere to be seen in the restaurant. Sadly realizing that Grillby most likely threw it away, the small girl crawled into the space between the juke box and the wall. Grillby could still see her, oddly enough, but at least no one else really paid her much mind there.

"Drink up baby, look at the stars. I'll kiss you again, between the bars. Where I'm seein' ya there, with your hands in the air. You're waiting to finally be caught... The people, you've been before. That you don't want around anymore. Or they push and shove, and won't bend to your will. I'll keep them still..."

Salem sung to herself under her breath. She didn't quite remember all the lyrics, but what she did remember seemed to fit the situation. She always did like the song "Between the Bars", though she liked the version by the "Civil Wars" the best. The girl contemplated pulling out her phone to listen to the song properly, but decided against it. She didn't want anyone taking her phone. For multiple reasons. Continuing to just hum to herself now, Salem watched as the long hours passed. Monsters came and went, some drunk, and some just angry. A few would talk to Grillby while looking at her, but always seemed to leave looking upset. Salem really didn't want to know what they were talking about. It was probably about her, and that wasn't a good thing.

Pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, Salem watched the bar from under her hood. Growing tired, Salem rested her head on her knees and drifted off into a fitful sleep. Now, she didn't have nightmares. Salem never had nightmares. But she did have a hard time staying asleep. Waking up again, Salem found the bar to be empty and almost completely dark. The only light came from the juke box next to her and from the kitchen. Salem could make out some noises coming from back there, but didn't bother to investigate. That is, until she heard a loud crash.

In wary apprehension, Salem stuffed herself further back between the wall and the jukebox to help better hide herself. More violent noises came from the back kitchen until the door blasted open. Ducking her head low and closing her eyes tight, Salem hid and hoped that whatever happened would be quick. The girl stayed silent as footsteps roamed the bar as if looking for something. By now, Salem noticed the smell of smoke and realized how hot it was getting. The place was on fire. And she was shackled to the damned floor. Paling a bit, Salem tried to keep calm. Burning to death was not her ideal way to die here. Maybe Grillby would show up and put out the fire? Or let her go? Heh, funny. But surely he would care that his restaurant was burning to the ground right? He wouldn't just let it turn to ash, right?!

Hearing the footsteps get closer, Salem chanced looking around from her hiding place and gasped to find two feet in front of her. Flinching back, Salem covered her head with her hands and waited for something, anything, to happen. What she wasn't expecting was a deep and familiar laugh.

"what? no thank you?"

Snapping her eyes open and looking up at none other than Sans, Salem didn't know whether to laugh or scream. She chose the later.

"What the actual _fuck_ Sans?! What do you want now? You already sold me! Now you're gonna watch me die? Just go away..."

"and here i thought you'd be glad i came to see ya, honey. common, get up. the fire is spreadin'. it's gettin' a little _too hot to handle_ in here."

"Heh, I'd love to just walk out with ya buddy... But I'm a little _tied up_ at the moment."

With a completely straight face, Salem pulled at the chain connecting her to the bar. Dropping it on the floor with a loud clang, Salem stood up and moved past Sans to the bar. Maybe it would be quicker if she doused herself in alcohol? Shuffling through the bottles, Salem noticed a flash of red and suddenly a demonic goat skull was floating in front of her. Widening her eyes, Salem almost screamed when it shot a laser. Instead of hitting her, it shot the chain trapping her. With another red flash, the skull was gone and Sans was grinning an asshole.

"Well... I guess we can go then..."

"eh, hold on a min honey. there's something else i want first."

Raising a brow, Salem watched Sans walk over to the safe and bust it open. Grabbing all the money he could, Sans turned back to Salem and headed towards the door.

"Really? The money? Are you sure you even wanted to save me?"

"what?! he fuckin owes me a refund for that shit sevice. and honestly, grillbs still didn't pay me enough for ya..."

"I feel so _honored_. If ya just pulled down my hood and showed I was human he might have paid you triple. Dumb ass..."

"well it's a little late for that idea ain't it honey? 'sides, didn't want em ta know..."

Salem rolled her eyes and followed after Sans. Now outside the establishment, the two started to run towards Waterfall. As they ran, Salem wondered something.

"Hey, why didn't Grilby show up when the place went up in flames?"

"guess ya could say he was already a lil _burnt out_. don't worry 'bout it. we won't be seein' him anymore."

"Wait... Did... Did you _kill_ him?!"

"so what if i did?"

"Wow... I didn't think you had it in you..."

"excuse me brat?!"

"I'm just saying I didn't think you would kill for me. I'm flattered~"

"don't be stupid. i only wanted the money. ya just happened to still be there."

"Riiight. Which is why you were looking around instead of heading straight to the safe... Gotcha."

"oh shut up kid!"

Giggling to herself, Salem continued to run towards Waterfall with a blushing and angry Sans at her heels.


	11. Fighting a Salty Pepper

The odd pair made it past the "Librarby" when Salem stopped walking suddenly. This almost caused Sans to walk right into her, but he quickly stopped and scowled down at her.

"the hell is wrong now?"

"S-shut up... I just... It's nothing."

With a stubborn pout, Salem marched forward and avoided looking at Sans. Now watching her with curiosity, Sans noticed that every few minutes, Salem would bring up her arms as if to hug something. But realizing that she wasn't carrying anything, Salem would quickly lower her arms or just settle with hugging herself. A smug smile spread across Sans face and he picked up the pace to be next to Salem.

"aw, is the lil brat missin' her stuffed animal? what are ya, three?"

Flinching a bit, Salem whipped around to face Sans. Her face was bright red from blushing, making it obvious that Sans was right.

"SHUT UP! Mercy was my weapon okay?"

"mercy? you named your doll mercy? and use it as a _weapon_?"

"S-so what? It's ironic... Don't laugh at me!"

"heh, it's hard not to. apparently my _mate_ is a three year old."

"I'm not three! I'm Twe-"

"ENOUGH! STOP YOUR JABBERING YOU FILTHY PESTS! I SEE YOU'RE STILL FOLLOWING THAT HUMAN AROUND LIKE A BEATEN DOG SANS. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE BROTHER... BE A GOOD GUARD AND HAND OVER THAT SOUL SO I CAN GET MY PROMOTION! HELL, IF YOU DO IT RIGHT NOW, I'LL FORGET THIS ENTIRE FIASCO HAPPENED! BUT IF NOT..."

Papyrus suddenly snapped his fingers and bones surrounded the pair, effectively trapping them where they stood. Sans' eyes widened and he started to sweat as he looked to his brother. Scowling, Salem looked up at Papyrus with little fear and stood between the two brothers.

"Don't talk to him like that! The only time he acts like a beaten dog is when you're _hounding_ him! Look here you piece of shit! I'm gonna fucking shove your feet through your eye-sockets and make you-!"

A boney hand was suddenly covering Salem's mouth in an attempt to shut her up. Still a little too angry to think rationally, Salem bit Sans hand. She instantly regretted it and squealed in pain while bringing her own hand to her mouth. Note: Do not bite bone as if it is flesh.

"shut the fuck up brat! yur not helpin' anything by runnin yur mouth!"

Still holding her mouth, Salem scowled but stayed silent. Sans looked back to his brother and gave a half hearted smile.

"aw, common br- boss. whatdaya what with this wimpy thing anyway? she probably couldn't even-"

"SILENCE! YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE _TRAITOR_. AS FOR YOU HUMAN. HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME THAT WAY! YOUR DEATH WILL BE ANYTHING BUT SWIFT!"

Throwing his arm forward, a volley of bones launched towards Salem with surprising speed. Managing to doge them, Salem stumbled over to Sans and tackled him to the ground. The short skeleton fell with a grunt and soon Salem was running off to direct attacks away from him. Papyrus kept his sights on Salem and sent one attack after another. A few bones managed to hit Salem, taking her health down to four. She was half way through her HP already. While dodging another attack, Salem slipped in the snow and fell to her knees. Looking up to see more bones flying at her, Salem covered her head with her arms. However, instead of them hitting her, they were blocked by a wall of bones. Looking over to Sans, Salem gave a shaky smile in thanks and looked back over to Papyrus.

The tall skeleton mentioned then turned his attention to his brother. With a fierce scowl, Papyrus threw out an attack that seemed impossible to dodge. Salem's eyes went wide as the magic neared Sans before another wall of bones cancelled them out. A bright flash and static like zap overtook Salem's senses, temporarily disorienting her. More flashes ensued and Salem scrambled to get out of the way. Papyrus was pissed and only concentrating on his brother now. They were yelling to each other, most of it being taunts and mindless swears. But as time went on, Salem noticed the jeers get more personal. Sans was sweating now and obviously getting tired.

"OF COURSE I WOULD BE CURSED WITH THIS USELESS TRASH AS A BROTHER. I NEVER LIKED YOU SANS. YOU'RE WORTHLESS, WEAK, AND A WASTE OF SPACE. YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED LONG AGO."

Sans paused upon hearing this and scowled to himself.

"well then ya shoulda killed me when ya had the chance bro!"

"AS IF I CAN'T DO JUST THAT NOW? KILLING YOU WOULD BE OF NO BOTHER TO ME. YOU ARE A TRAITOR AND HAVE CLAIMED A HUMAN AS A MATE. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT-"

"OH my FUCKING GOD! Would you shut the fuck up you egotistical, narcissistic, walking emotional disaster!?It's like I'm looking at some teenager with brother issues and a problem with authority! Grow the fuck up you retarded maggot shit! And Sans you dumb fuck! The only one allowed to die around here is ME, got it?!"

Once again Salem found herself screaming in anger at the skeleton brothers. Marching over to the two, Salem managed to come right up next to a hunched over Papyrus and slapped his face. Silence overtook the clearing and Sans looked on with wide eye sockets. Papyrus was obviously shocked while Salem stood there like she didn't just do the most unheard of thing ever. After staring at each other for a few moments, Papyrus finally narrowed his eyes and raised a hand to attack back. Sans instinctively reached out to Salem, but she beat him to action. With enraged eyes, Salem lashed out her hand and grabbed hold of Papyrus' neck... Er, Spine? Tightening her grip, Salem pulled on it with more strength than most would think a child could posses. Papyrus let out a rather unflattering yelp as Salem dragged him to her height.

"Look here you _shit stain_. I am fucking DONE with you and your crap. Piss me off again, and I don't care if you are Sans' brother. I will END you in the most barbaric and brutal of fashions. You will wish it were Undyne that got a hold of you. By the time you have finally given up hope and started faded to dust, all of the underground will have heard your cries for mercy and screams of pain. Then I'll take yur dust and use it as lube for Jerry's small di-"

Once again, a skeletal hand stifled Salem's words and yanked her back. Falling back onto Sans' chest, Salem did her best to not hit him to get back at the tall skeleton now at her feet. She didn't stop struggling however until Sans hugged her. Freezing up, Salem stopped talking and looked at Sans in slight horror. Seeing this, Sans quickly let her go and motioned towards Papyrus.

"ya can stop now honey... damn, i'd hate to be on yur bad side... my bro's had enough... any more of that and he might get a little too _choked up_."

Narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms, Salem looked down at Papyrus and felt slightly guilty for the state he was now in. The lanky skeleton was on his hands and knees, wheezing in an attempt to catch his breath. Because apparently even skeletons need to breathe? His skull was flushed an orange-red and his bones shook. Giving a huff, Salem bent down and offered a hand to the grouch. His eyes widened a bit and looked at Salem with uncertainty.

"I'm helping you stand up... Dumb ass... We can't have the next head of the royal guard on his hands and knees before a measly human can we? So get off your ass and get your shit together..."

"I-I DON'T NEED A HUMAN'S HELP!"

"EXCUSE me?!"

In a fit of anger, Salem kicked Papyrus, making him fall on his face in the snow. With a booted foot, Salem stomped down on the skeleton's spine. Sans started to sweat and blush a bit. Pulling at Salem's hoodie lightly, Sans tried to get her to move her foot.

"n-now Honey... calm down... he just-"

"Tsk, and he expects to be head of the royal guard like this? Pathetic. You can't expect Sans to get stronger if you're this weak yourself Papyrus. Now get up!"

This comment seemed to jolt Pap out of his brooding and he quickly got to his feet. Standing straight and avoiding everyone else's gaze, he coughed into his fist and turned to look at his house. After a long moment of silence, Papyrus looked back to the two and frowned.

"SANS, YOU ARE COMPLETELY HOPELESS. COME BACK HOME AND GET SOME SLEEP. BRING YOUR... _MATE_... AS WELL. THE HUMAN YOU HAVE CLAIMED SEEMS TO BE TOLERABLE. SHE HAS EVEN EARNED A SLIVER OF MY RESPECT. NOW HURRY UP. I AM MAKING LASAGNA I TONIGHT."

"what's the special occasion br-boss?"

"THERE IS NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT TODAY. I SIMPLY FEEL LIKE COOKING IS ALL."

"Thank you very much Papyrus. I really appri-"

"IT'S NOT LIKE I'M DOING THIS FOR _YOU_ HUMAN. I AM SIMPLY CONCERNED FOR THE HEALTH OF MY WORTHLESS BROTHER. SANS CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF, SO I, PAPYRUS, AM LEFT TO DO SO."

"Aw! So you DO love your brother!"

"I NEVER INSINUATED SUCH A THING PUNY HUMAN! IT IS SIMPLY MY DUTY AS THE STRONGER BROTHER TO LOOK OUT FOR HIM."

Salem said nothing else, but when Papyrus turned his back, she nudged Sans with her elbow and wiggled her eyebrows. Sans blushed and hid his face in his hood. Seeing Pap wait for them, Salem hooked her arm through Sans' and dragged him to the house. Not that she could see, but this caused Sans to blush even more. She was really starting to get to him. Stupid brat.


End file.
